So are you fluent?

It’s a good question. How am I supposed to answer that? Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred… interactions? Pages read? Accomplishments in my new country? I don’t know and to be honest I haven’t kept track.

How do you measure linguistic knowledge?

Is linguistic knowledge the same as fluency? Is total understanding necessary for fluency? Is flawless grammar and a wide range of vocabulary the basis for fluency?

I mean…

I’ve gotten my property stolen and given police reports.

I’ve been lost in the woods and gotten home, relying only on a local with a speech impediment.

I’ve started a business.

I’ve made friends to cry with, laugh at nothing with, get drunk with, and who will let me sleep on their couches when I can’t make it home (where is home, anyway? Whoops, let’s not pull at that string…)

I’ve testified in court.

I’ve been on national live TV.

I’ve held jobs in multiple sectors and taught multiple age groups in multiple subjects.

I’ve performed simultaneous interpreting at international conferences.

I got my drivers’ license, paid parking tickets, and have dealt with immigration and social services in small towns, big towns, and the capital city.

I’ve gotten myself to the ER, physical therapy, and specialist doctor visits, and as a lay-interpreter, accompanied other foreigners to the same.

I have read a couple of books in Czech, watched several films in Czech, regularly read articles in Czech on a variety of topics.

But when someone says, “it’s good” in response to my apology, I don’t know if they forgive me.

If someone complains nonstop about their atrocious working conditions, I don’t know why they won’t complain to the boss, or change jobs, or why they patronizingly tell me “oh, that’s not how things work here.”

When people are making long lines outside the bank to pick up commemorative banknotes, I don’t know why they say they are waiting for bananas.

When someone says, “we can talk it out,” I don’t know if they mean we will compromise, or if they will do what they want and make my life miserable unless I do too.

When I offer a guest something at my house and they say no, I don’t know if they really mean no or if I need to ask again and then prepare something anyway, or else I will seem stupid and rude.

When someone says they need to discuss something with me, I don’t know if they mean “we are all mad at you and you’re going to regret bringing this up,” or “let’s exchange some ideas about a topic that concerns both of us,” or “we are going to argue about something and it’s gonna be a fight.”

When I say “I mean it well” and they respond with “I don’t take it badly,” if I am supposed to feel badly for saying it as I did, or deal with it further, or let it go, or, or, or…

When they say, “we Czechs are direct, we will tell it like it is,” it doesn’t take you long to see that they use that as an excuse to be belittling, condescending, rude, or cruel.

I can talk clinically about the mechanics of artificial insemination in domestic animals and discuss radiographs and blood test results in humans and animals, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about my work/life balance with my mother-in-law.

I can give detailed descriptions of perpetrators and play-by-play relayals of events, but I can’t explain why I once misunderstood the words záda (back) and zadek (butt).

I can tell amazing jokes and make people laugh, but I am never totally sure if they are laughing with me or at me.

At conferences, if I have been listening to expert presentations all day, I couldn’t form the sentence “vidím Spota, jak běhá” (I see Spot run) to save my life.

In most every conflict, I try to be humble and take responsibility, and the other person either dismisses the problem or heaps more shaming and more responsibility for the conflict onto me, without accepting any responsibility.

When someone asks me why I am angry, all I can do is splutter. Even if I speak slowly and quietly and stick to the facts, I still get the same treatment as someone who is emotional, unpredictable and crazy.

Language is about more than words and grammar and syntax. Language is expression, and understanding. Language is connecting meaning to our experiences. Language is a way to connect as is necessary and distance as is beneficial.

By that definition, I don’t even know if I am fluent in English.

My other languages expand my mind and my understanding, and they give me countless beautiful opportunities I would not have had otherwise. I know if I stayed home and never experienced another culture, I would experience the same human angst as I do when I get strung up on the language barrier. But would it be such a lonely angst? I will never know.

So the answer is no, I guess I’m not fluent. But maybe I am as fluent as any of us will ever be.

We Live Pride, Under Pressure

Anyone who can name all three songs, and their respective bands, referenced in the title gets a jednička (A).

Anyway… It’s been a while since I added a blog post. Time has been a blur this winter-into-spring, but today at work my kids had a huge win, and I think I was the most proud I’ve ever been of them. It didn’t fit into a facebook status, so I decided to write it here, where I can brag about them as much as they deserve.

I got the idea a couple of weeks ago, actually. I know a handful of people who have done Model U.N. in the past, so I started scouring ye olde internet to see if it was something I could adapt. If I could sum up all relevant advice for living overseas for any reason it would be like this: Be ready to adapt anything and everything. And be ready to do it yourself.

I found some materials, including some entertaining “how-to” and “how-not-to” videos, that gave guidance to those wanting to start and run a Model U.N. group. I picked the topic of modern piracy, came up with a plan to adapt it for a 45 minute class period, and ran it past my students to see what they thought. I have never seen them so enthusiastic about anything. Not even Christmas! It was all at once, “I want to be Italy!” “Terka, be Czech Republic with me!” “Can Marketa and me be North Korea?” Yes, gentle reader, even North Korea was at our mock Model U.N. conference. Even with this enthusiasm, I had no idea how it would all go over, or if it would blow up in my face. In preparation, I told them to do some background research, and we talked a bit about modern piracy as a diplomatic, humanitarian, defensive, and economic issue. The day of, I put on my most “strong, confident, independent woman” business casual outfit (see photo), and brought cookies for the “afterparty” that was mentioned in several of those “how-to” and “how-not-to”videos. After that, all I could do was hope for the best. And as I was hoping for the best, I was blown off my red high heels.

They had researched examples of piracy all the way back to the 1700’s. They knew their country’s economy and military, as well as how their country had dealt with piracy in the past. They brought their talking points on paper, having decorated them with pirate flags and the flags of their countries. One kid even had the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack playing in the background as he offered his action plans. They ran the whole show, I just sat and kept the schedule, trying not to laugh at how hilarious they were being. Let me give some examples of the hilarity I thoroughly enjoyed:

• The Czech Republic was hard to convince to participate. They said “well, we have no sea, so piracy is not our problem.” However, when offered money from other countries for their refugee crisis, they changed their tune. All the same, when the other countries were debating the terms of their alliance, Czech Republic loudly announced that they were going for a beer.
• Italy said “mamma mia” every five minutes, talked over everyone else, pontificated about the glorious Costa Nostra (look it up), and tried to get everyone to join up with them through offering them the world’s best pasta.
• India tried to focus on humanitarian solutions the the problem, but when North Korea started threatening to nuke their enemies, India played Bollywood hits and adopted Yogi master poses while the arguing continued.
• The United States offered hamburgers and education to Somalia, and joined up with anyone who would go along with them.
• North Korea demanded benefits in exchange for alliances, and was generally very volatile in their interactions with everybody. The only benefit they offered their allies in return was abstaining from using their nuclear weapons on them.
• They agreed on a solution with minimal military activity
• Our “afterparty” involved my homemade chocolate chip cookies, whose recipe I have memorized, which disappeared in 30 seconds. I have never seen food disappear so fast, and I have spent my life surrounded by food-obsessed animals (not the homo sapiens kind). But those kids were SO. HAPPY. My heart felt full to bursting when I saw their faces light up.

 

My teaching experiment, I think, was a huge success. The kids remained enthusiastic, and blew me out of the water (pun intended) with how prepared they were for the activity. Their English was advanced and smooth, they negotiated world politics in a foreign language, and each of them brought their own personality to their portrayal of their country. There was laughter, smiling, interest, dialogue, negotiation, and music from Pirates of the Caribbean. It made me think a lot as I forced myself to sit back and watch, and not offer my own opinions.

It’s fascinating, from a sociological perspective, how people are all the same. I gave no guidance, it was a completely new experience for my students, and they behaved in a strikingly similar manner to adult politicians, adopting this behavior all on their own. It was a microscale of everything that is wrong with the world, with fighting and selfishness, while the voices of those most affected (Somalia) were absent. I’m curious to see how the debrief next week goes.

At the same time, these kids showed me what I love about teenagers most: they were goofy, theatrical, intelligent, creative, experimenting with thinking deeply, and trying to balance conflicting aspects of a global problem. They are walking the tightrope between childhood and adulthood, they’ve already gotten their share of lickings from this world, which wastes no time in forcing its young ones to grow up, but they still have the most valuable hearts and spirits. I love that they still assert their individuality, and they are not too scared yet to wear their hearts on their sleeves and their minds on their faces. I even love that they say the worst profanities when they hit their finger on a desk, because they still don’t know that there are things in life that hurt worse than a smacked finger. I love that when they smile and laugh at things, you can still see the adorable wonder of a small kid, if you’re just willing to laugh with them, and validate what they think is funny. Their self esteem is fragile enough that when they get sincere praise, and hear “you should be proud of yourself,” they look as happy and proud as a baby who has just taken their first steps.

And finally, everyone says that teenagers just care about themselves and their attitudes, but I can attest that they don’t. If you show them that you care about their opinions, that you think their thoughts are worth listening to, and if you show this consistently, they will open up to you and paint the walls of your heart the colors of the sunset. They have favorite music, favorite movies, they have amazing senses of humor, they think about things that happen in the world… I could go on, but I just have one more little honor that my students gave to me.

Back in November, I came up with an activity to teach modal verbs (things like “should,” “can,” “may,” etc.). I told the students to pretend that there were undercover cops coming to their school, and they had to give advice to these cops for how to fit in with the students. The astute among you will realize that I probably was inspired by the movie 21 Jump Street. Well, the kids liked it. And it’s all about the kids, right? Anyway, one thing they agreed on was that students can’t be too friendly with teachers. For this reason, I’ve been respectful of this with my students, and not tried to be too buddy-buddy with them. But I still strive to respect them and show them I care about them, mostly by making them laugh in class, and asking for their input for planning lessons. And I have to say… my heart soars when they run up to me in the grocery store or the train station or cross the street to say hi (#smalltowns), or when they tell me, “paní učitelko, have you seen the movie ____? I think you would really like it,” or when I’m sick, they email me their homework and tell me “I’m so sorry you were sick today, and I wish you a speedy recovery.” Today when I showed up in my “ready to take on the world” business casual outfit, the girl students GUSHED, telling me “wow, you look so beautiful, I love your outfit!” I even got respectful compliments from a few guys. Finally, one of my students came up to me to ask me if I had seen The Godfather, and we ended up talking for his whole break about gangster and dirty cop movies. What I’m trying to say is… I think I earned a relationship with my students. An honor is the only word I can think of to describe this.

In conclusion (finally!)… Yes, for all the great stories, I’ve had to bite my tongue plenty, I’ve given out plenty of pushups for horseplay and tardiness, there have been a couple instances of disrespect, and I doubt myself often. After the Easter disaster of ’16 (another story for another time), I came very close to quitting at this school. Ultimately, I decided to stay because of the students, and today chased away any lingering doubts. I certainly didn’t stay for the money, or for the administrators (well ok, one of them is pretty great). Because after all, isn’t everything we do as teachers about the students?

Thanks for reading. Now enjoy some lovely pictures of the Labe before a storm.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

Riddle me this: what do games, mental illness, and adolescence have in common?

 

I know, I know. Try to narrow it down.

 

Give up? Ok, Yes, there are lots of things they have in common, but I’ll let you in on the answer I had in mind. I deal with all of them every week.

 

About a year ago, I came to terms with my mental illness, with my depression. Since then, I’ve been experimenting with coping strategies, including medication, exercise, mental self-control, and self-care. The year 2015 had a lot of triggers in it: moving twice, a career change, marriage, cross-globe move, new language and culture. It’s been thrilling, exhilarating, discouraging, encouraging, hysterical, tragic, fun…. New. The career change actually has been the arena in which these changes are the most noticeable and pronounced. I teach high school English as a foreign language, and I teach English and Spanish to adults and preteens. Teaching the teenagers while learning to manage my mental health through a strategy besides ignoring it and beating myself up on the inside has actually been incredibly enlightening. For those who don’t teach teenagers and can’t possibly imagine what this has in common with mental health, let me enlighten you:

 

1. For both, you have to embrace the fact that you have clearly lost your sanity at some point. I’m sure anyone can see the connection there. Many people offer me their condolences when I say I teach high schoolers, then say how much they admire me, but I’m sure they’re actually thinking, Man, she trippin! In fact, many of my most successful lessons with my kids have come when I’ve embraced my craziness and theirs, and we just roll with it on their level (which, if I’m honest, is more fun than the adult level). This is, I think, why they come up and say hi to me at the grocery store and the train station, but also why they quiet down when I just give them a teacher look. In the same way, with mental health, the sooner you openly admit that you have a problem and accept that it is a part of you, the more readily you can just pursue a solution to make it a livable problem.

2. No matter what happens, good or bad, you HAVE TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD. If the kids are crabby and not speaking any English, if they are laughing and gossiping while you are talking, if they are Snapchatting and texting under your nose, if they are having a lively and spirited discussion, if they ask you a totally unrelated question to your topic but they are all interested in speaking – regardless, just keep moving the lesson forward! Sometimes that means you have to totally change tracks, sometimes that means you need to give them a spontaneous test to get them working, sometimes that means you go with them down a rabbit trail and turn it into a lesson. Most of the time, you shouldn’t worry about how fast or slow you are moving. But keep moving forward and don’t let anything stall you. Same with mental health. You may be having a good day. You may be having a bad day. There may be a million good things going on but you still can’t fight the black clouds. There may be a million bad things in your life that make you want to curl up and cry. Regardless, just keep moving forward. Whether you just focus on the fact that you’re still breathing, whether that’s counting down the days till you see your horse again, whether that’s planning a singalong to the kids’ favorite music (thank the good Lord for YouTube lyric videos), or keeping Apples to Apples in your briefcase just in case, just keep things rolling forward. Create forward momentum that can carry you when there’s no more energy to fight your way forward.

3. No matter what kind of day you had today, tomorrow is a new one. Resolve to brush off whatever wasn’t ideal in the past, and treat each day like it’s new. Pray that your heart would be convinced by this, and that you would have love for others around you, especially yourself (who tends to be the root of most your problems 😉 )
4. Focus on others around you more than you focus on yourself. But do make sure you are taking care of yourself. Many of our problems and feelings, even real ones with concrete causes like depression, are compounded by our own navel gazing. This is why praying for love for others is so helpful – it trains the neural pathways in your brain (the physiological places where thoughts happen) to focus on others rather than yourself. Make sure your own ducks are in a row – plan your lessons, take your medicine, exercise the coping skills that work for you, make sure you are eating, sleeping, and exercising, show up to work on time and do your best to guide your students – but remember that it’s ultimately not about you, and loving others is the most nourishing self-care.
5. Be spontaneous, open, and flexible. Repeat after me: you can plan nothing. NOTHING. Some classes are bored with the first 9 activities you plan, then you wing a 10^th in frustration, and they love it. Some classes you hold your breath for, certain that they will be total rhymes-with-spits, and they are engaged, intelligent sponges for knowledge. Sometimes music lifts your spirits, and sometimes only a run will make you feel better. Sometimes you will still feel crappy after trying every coping mechanism you have thought of, and really it’s only going to bed that makes you feel better. The best you can do is come up with Plans A, B, and C, and be ready to try them and move on if they flop, remembering to always, what? That’s right – KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
6. Don’t sweat the little things. If a kid is lazy, that’s his/her problem, not yours. If a kid is mad at you for taking their phone when they were texting right under your nose, that’s most definitely their problem. If you don’t upload grades right away, just upload them as soon as you can and resolve to do better next time. If you didn’t get the laundry done, think of how to plan your time better and just do that. If there’s a crap ton of dishes that you didn’t do right away, just go do them now. Don’t let little things like that wreck your satisfaction with your life.
7. The success is in the little things, so celebrate the little things. For this one, I’m just going to demonstrate how I measured success this week:
   1. One of my lowest-level students had a spontaneous, complete, perfect English sentence in the middle of class.
   2. One student told another one to stop it when he was making racist jokes.
   3. A student who is normally late to class came early.
   4. I caught a student snapchatting, took his iPad and posted an obnoxious selfie to his My Story, with the caption “I was on snapchat in class.”
   5. I made enough chocolate chip cookies for all the English contest winners.
   6. I played guitar for a full hour one day and it diffused my anger.
   7. I didn’t have anxiety-driven insomnia before any of my teaching days this week.
   8. These furballs exist in the world and they’re mine
      

      

      

      

      
   9. I can think of a lot of other beautiful and wonderful things in my life, so much that it overwhelms me to think of them. Much like having 100 high school students – so many wonderful things in my life to be grateful for, so many good things that overwhelm me. Ephesians 3:20-21